12-17-08 – Still Life

your mom and I were in the shower and she didn’t mention you at all.

Guys like you are why I didn’t follow her into the ソープランド industry.
If you’d just go in, let the woman dressed as Pikachu do her thing and keep in character, it’d be good fun for everybody. But no, guys like you come in and start talking about families and how (local sports team) is doing and it just makes things awkward. I mean, how are they supposed to know when to be Pikachu again? Do you think they can just improvise a song for the bubble dance? If you’re going to go to these places, spend the time to know these places. If you want a U１5　アイドル　喫茶店, go there. If you want a woman dressed a Pikachu showering you with soap, water, and high-pitched jibberish, act like it.

Yeah, well, when we were at the pachinko arcade, and you were all stumbling drunk on snake moonshine, wasn’t it me that held your hair whilst you puked out the yakatori? I told you not to go for the rare chicken, but you were all “no, that’s the way they do it over here, people been eating this stuff for hundreds of years”. Maybe so, but who’s the one with the worm infestation now, huh?

Yeah, well, when we were at the pachinko arcade, and you were all stumbling drunk on snake moonshine, wasn’t it me that held your hair whilst you puked out the yakatori? I told you not to go for the rare chicken, but you were all “no, that’s the way they do it over here, people been eating this stuff for hundreds of years”. Maybe so, but who’s the one with the worm infestation now, huh?

Look man, I’m not saying you’re a bad person. You’re a nice enough guy, but you’ve gotta loosen up about some things.
And don’t act like you didn’t benefit from it too. Yes, I vomited. But I’d like to point out my mom says by the 3rd or 4th time lots of other people were joining in, so it’s probably a custom. Yes, in retrospect I realize that smashing the bottle to eat the snake was culturally inappropriate and gastronomically inadvisable. I get caught up in the moment sometimes, and I may have thought I was in Mexico drinking tequila, what with the clanging, screaming and puddles of stuff that should ne’er be seen on the face of the earth. And didn’t we get to stay for free at that wacky theme hotel because of it? That’s the kind of cross cultural generosity you get from trying to reach out to the host country with understanding.

So yes, I have worms. Yes, I have a host of unsightly cuts, bruises, organ transplant (hopefully) scars, but I also have intermittent memories of, and a host of denied extradition requests describing the best times of my life.

I think the “ホチキスモフォ万歳” and “肝臓全滅”　tattoos are pretty sweet too.

Not to detract from the drunken furries and vomit fetishes, but, uhh…. Schnee, Think you could wiggle a little FSM Magic to credit me with the handful of votes for the photos that NoBigDeal posted on my behalf? If you’ve got too much going on for the holidays, don’t fret though.

Yeah, well, when we were at the pachinko arcade, and you were all stumbling drunk on snake moonshine, wasn’t it me that held your hair whilst you puked out the yakatori? I told you not to go for the rare chicken, but you were all “no, that’s the way they do it over here, people been eating this stuff for hundreds of years”. Maybe so, but who’s the one with the worm infestation now, huh?

Look man, I’m not saying you’re a bad person. You’re a nice enough guy, but you’ve gotta loosen up about some things.
And don’t act like you didn’t benefit from it too. Yes, I vomited. But I’d like to point out my mom says by the 3rd or 4th time lots of other people were joining in, so it’s probably a custom. Yes, in retrospect I realize that smashing the bottle to eat the snake was culturally inappropriate and gastronomically inadvisable. I get caught up in the moment sometimes, and I may have thought I was in Mexico drinking tequila, what with the clanging, screaming and puddles of stuff that should ne’er be seen on the face of the earth. And didn’t we get to stay for free at that wacky theme hotel because of it? That’s the kind of cross cultural generosity you get from trying to reach out to the host country with understanding.

So yes, I have worms. Yes, I have a host of unsightly cuts, bruises, organ transplant (hopefully) scars, but I also have intermittent memories of, and a host of denied extradition requests describing the best times of my life.

I think the “ホチキスモフォ万歳” and “肝臓全滅”　tattoos are pretty sweet too.

The tattoos are awesome. Every time I take my socks off, I see them and think of you and me and those three old ladies from the Samsung counter. I mean, I never knew you could get that many goats in a Delica. And that sweet sweet mix of the blue lotus and hashish, that, my friend, is a sunrise I will not soon forget. That damned mountain walked across the bay and don’t tell me you didn’t see it.

You’re right, I should loosen up. It’s hard, though, after the way we were treated on the Tibetan plain, with the yak butter and that guy with the cloudy eye. I mean, my god, what the hell were we supposed to do? Just leave and pretend it never happened?

So are you gonna come get these Earth Wind & Fire records or do you want me to just leave them where you left them by the soaking tub?

…
And back on topic, congratulations to Elsinore this week, although it is a very close finish, with MorningBreath, wickedfish and U-Man close behind.

(Stick a fork in it, this contest is done?)